Dungeons, Dead People, and Daughtry

Alright it's time to come clean. I have a few secret pleasures that I wanted to share with you. Don't worry they don't include body fluids or farm animals.


First one is the mildest of the three. I've been getting into an audiobook kick as of late. Since I got my 60gb ipod I've been looking for different things to put on their other than music and I got a few Dean Koontz books. I just listened to Odd Thomas. I figured it would be your usual sappy sci-fi story. It was actually really good. I just downloaded the second book in the series "Forever Odd" last night from itunes. I really wished allofmp3.com would carry audiobooks, but what are you going to do?

Secondly I watch American Idol. Not the entire show. I just tivo it and fast forward through everyone but Taylor Hicks, Chris Daughtry, and Paris something. I don't care if that makes me gay. Chris Daughtry and Taylor Hicks are some cool guys.

Finally and most incriminating of all. I recently bought Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion. For those of you not familiar I will sum it up. There is Dungeons and Dragons nerdiness, and then there is Lord of the Rings cool nerdiness. This game is the cool nerdiness. The graphics are amazing, the amount of things to do in this game is mind blowing. I am the kind of guy who only buys sports games or fighting games because any game which can be "beat" only lasts about 2-3 days before I am done with it. If I sat down and wanted to beat Oblivion it would undoubtedly take me 1000 + hours to complete. Not to mention the special edition came with a Septim, the official currency of Oblivion. I am now that much closer to forming my own nerd society.

Anyway guilty pleasures or maybe I am like Andy Kauffman and am just so ahead of my time in recognizing cool that everyone else doesn't get it.

1. Read Odd Thomas
2. Listen to Chris Daughtry sing "I walk the line"
3. At least rent Oblivion

Little things kill....

- Whatever happened to Bush? I mean they were never a GREAT band or anything but they had some catchy songs and put on a good concert. No, wait I know what happened... Gwen Stefani.

- As usual at this time of year I hear about 5 times a day someone say "I'd like to see someone who picked that final four", or some similar statement. Who cares? I'd like to see someone who predicted the gas prices, housing prices, interest rates, and nasdaq closing for this week back in October.

- So my 10 month old is sick. He has a rotavirus. I don't know what that is but it isn't fun. I am going to send in a video tape of my last 24 hours with him to every high school in America. I guarantee teenage pregnancies will be cut by 90 percent.

- just five years ago I was in sports heaven. The Ravens won the Superbowl, the terps than won the NCAA championship, and the Orioles, well they still sucked. Now I find it hard to get excited about any prospective seasons. Terps suck, Orioles suck, and Ravens suck. I'm moving to New England I hate their teams and their residents, but at least they win.

The Prince of Niger wants you!

Everyone has at some point got an e-mail scam involving a story including an African country and a royal heir who died in some convenient way which entitles you to his fortunes. And if you are like me when you read that e-mail you thought, who could possibly be stupid enough to fall for something like this.


This guy

Rants

So is there any job more meaningless than the road work traffic director? For the last two weeks they were working on my street, and not only are these people performing pointless mind-numbing tasks, but they are doing it badly. Of course there needs to be a system to direct who's turn it is to go on the open side of the road but are you telling me they can't program an electronic sign to do that?

Day 1: Ruben Studdard has apparently hit bottom now. He is out here directing the traffic on hook road. I come up to him in my car, see no traffic coming through or waiting to come through on the other side and have to wait 20 seconds for him to turn around and notice me, and then sit through another 40 seconds of him talking to the other sign holder. Apparently it is much more complicated than saying "my sides coming through now." There must be some sort of secret language and codes they run through before rotating the sign to "slow."

Day 2: My first of many run-ins with "the pointer." When you are on a two lane road with BGE trucks filling 500 feet of the one lane what is the obvious route to get past the trucks? Apparently this guy has a terrible fear of cars trying to plow straight through him and the BGE trucks because
he is vehemently pointing to the only open route as if every second I am not in that lane he is one second closer to death.

Day 3: Well it would be unrealistic to think that an individual could perform at such a high level of craftmanship for an extended period of time. So today began the decline. I drive by the work area and this portly woman is directing the traffic, this time with no sign. I see the sign lying about 6 feet to her right on the ground, but I guess all the wrist turning was wearing her out.

Day 4: Same traffic setup minus one ingredient, the traffic directors. Of course the BGE trucks are working around a bend now so I can not see the other side . As I floor the gas around the corner hoping not to hit a car on the other side, something catches the corner of my eye. It's a '98 Chevy cavalier crammed with 5 black guys in orange vests...all sleeping. At this point it is 10 am, so it seems a little early for a group lunch break, so I guess they were just taking the day off.

Day 5: No traffic directors, no sleeping in cars, nothing. Just once again a free for all death race around the corner.
Day 6-11: The traffic directors hire on a new tool, the homeless version of Rico Suave. When you close your eyes and think of the kind of guy that stands out in front of the ESPN zone and asks you for money speaking of God's good graces, and then when you say no tells you to go F yourself and follows you for 3 creepy blocks, you will have a good mental image of the new hire. Every time I drive by I notice that he waves to some cars and not to others. The first 2 times I went through he didn't wave to me, but the third and fourth time he did. Finally I realized the pattern. When my wife was in the car he would crack a 5 tooth smile and wave to her. When it was just me he would continue to stare off his mid-morning mad dog hangover. So I figure either she is banging the retarded guy in the orange vest holding the "slow" sign, or he is just desperate and thinks that eventually one of the girls he waves to will stop the car and come over to him in a Flavor Flav moment of love at first sight.


Regardless this is a perfect chance for Budweiser to add to their "here's to you radio commercials."

DYK?

There are 92 documented cases of nuclear bombs that have been lost at sea.

Elitist

My predictions for the elite 8:


Duke West Virginia Pittsburgh UCLA
Connecticut UNC 'Nova Ohio State

you don't look much like a steer to me...

http://www.nbc5i.com/travelgetaways/7996494/detail.html

Go Braves

Upset prediction: #13 Bradley will beat Kansas by 7 points.

Passing the Torch

With John Chaney announcing his retirement the torch has once again been handed down. John received it only a short while back from Gene Keady, but now it is his turn to pass on the honor of being titled "Coach most likely to touch your child inappropriately"


On the left you see previous belt holder Gene Keady showing one of his trademark molestation moves. Better known in the pedophilia industry as the Keady clasp.


The new champion Mr. Chaney was asked how he could compete with the Keady clasp. His response was short "It's all about how you position the person you plan on molesting." He then demonstrated.



While no confirmation has been sent out yet it is believed that Syracuse coach Jim Boeheim will follow on the tradition, although Phil Martelli does have an outside shot.

March Mad Cow

So the selections were announced last night and with little shock Maryland missed the NCAA tourney again. I'm really starting to fear that we may be headed into a Clemson-like recession. More notable than that though is the horrible job done this year by the selection committee. Just because a school plays in a smaller conference with no talent on their schedule does not mean that they need your help and generosity to get into the tournament, it means they should not be there anyway.

The Missouri Valley and the Colonial Athletic Association bringing in a combined 6 bids? Are you serious?

Cinncinatti, Florida State, Michigan and even Maryland are better than those teams on most days. But more so than who is better let's be honest it is about money. Who is going to bring higher ratings, George Mason/NC Wilmington or Cinncinatti/Maryland.

One team who got screwed over big time: George Washington

Now granted they played a ridiculously weak schedule and are in a terrible conference, but anytime you are one of only two teams in the country that finish the season with two losses, you need to get some respect. I mean why do we have top 25 ratings if they mean nothing anyway? GW goes from #11 in the polls to #8 seed in the tourney? So either they should not have been ranked at all or they should have had a higher seed. I think it's both.

Maybe give them a token #25 ranking for the polls, but they should have come up with at least a 7 seed against ohio state. I mean they might as well have been a 16 seed because they play duke in the second round what kind of reward is that for going 26-2? GW could beat Duke, it's not likely but they shouldnt have to beat Duke just to get to the sweet 16.

DYK?

Did you know that it is illegal to play Randy Newman's "Short People" on the radio in Maryland?

Find out how old your Dad's new girlfriend really is.

Here is a formula that will let you find out how old someone is without them knowing.

Ask the person to write down the number of the month they were born (September=9)

double that number
add 5
multiply by 50
add their current age
subtract 365

then have them tell you the number they came up with

in your head add 115 and you will have a number which shows the month and year they were born.

example 1045 = October and 45 years old

Musical Recommendations

Here are some titles that are worth checking out. Especially if you use allofmp3.com. I mean if you can't afford $1.50 for a full cd, than apparently you are either living on the street and reading this blog over somebody's shoulder, or you are hoarding your money for that special occasion that....well....let's face it. It's probably never going to happen anyway.

1. Bruce McCullough -Shame Based Man

Some of you may remember him from Kids in the Hall. There was newsradio guy, gay guy, high pitched voice guy, and then this guy. If not the whole cd than at least buy the song "lift me up" it's a beautiful ballad between himself and a fifty-something trucker.

2. Death Cab for Cutie - Plans

Basically it's Dashboard Confessional without all the whining and teenage girls.

3. Van Morrison - Magic Time

Most people are familiar with his older music, and probably most of you can remember all the girls at your high school dances singing "brown eyed girl". This is his newer stuff though and he shows that he is one of the more underrated artists from the 70's.

From the "If you didn't get it then you should get it now" department

1. Counting Crows - August and Everything After
2. Bruce Springsteen - Wild, innocent and E Street Shuffle
3. Rush - 2112

Ebay considering intelligence verificiation in addition to identity verification for prospective buyers

Where's the ipod?

DYK?

Did you know that inbox is not a word?

Nor is outbox for that matter.

Link of the Week

The best page in the universe

Not exactly a frequently updated page but the "spot the sex offender" game alone makes it worth checking out.

The Second Coming of L.Ron Hubbard?

Tom Cruise wants to name his baby "Hubbard."

And in related news Tom Cruise is closing in on Michael Jackson for the title of biggest wierdo.

He still has a stranglehold on biggest wierdo in the closet.